If Not For….

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Psalm 63:2 So I have looked for you in the sanctuary to see Your Power and Glory

Isaiah 41:10 Fear not for I am with you, Be not dismayed for I am your God

I will strengthen you, yes I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand

James 1:2 My brethren count it all joy when you fall into various trials

If Not For….

If not for painful trials I endure, how would I know of Your great faithfulness

If not for all my failures, how could I know the depth of Your forgiveness

If not for Your death on a cross for me, how could I begin to understand Your mercy

towards my sinfulness

If not for your protective sanctuary, how could I ever begin to see Your glory

If not for my hard times, that you worked for my good, how could I ever tell your story

Of  a tender God who carried me, when my human strength  was spent

If not for a loving God, how could I bend my knees and tell You the things that I repent

If not for all the unpleasantness of life, how could I learn to trust You day by day

If not for the tender grace that You give to me, could I try to submit to You in all my ways

If not for all the many blessings You bestow to me, even though there is nothing I

 could ever do to deserve it

If not for Your very Presence, which brings me untold joy, how would I ever be free from evil’s darkest pit

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Revive me, O’Lord

Revive me, O’Lord according to

Your loving kindness , The sum

of Your word is truth, and every

one of Your righteous ordinances

is everlasting.

Psalm 119:159-160

Many things have changed since the last entry I posted. I have given up all but one client and have taken on a full-time job to help my husband Jim keep up with the bills that seem to be never-ending on the farm. I work at a call centre and the hours are grueling and getting use to shift work has been hard on me. That’s why it’s been such a long time since I have put pen to paper.

Since I talk for a living now, dealing with a tooth that has  absessed has been a little bit draining but it has given me some time off to rest and to write. When trials persist I turn to the Lord and  when I read this passage in scripture it reminded  me of God’s gifts and how he can work in the darkest of circumstance and pick me back up just when I thought I was down and out for good. “Revive me O’Lord according to Your loving kindness” that line made my mind’s eye recall all the people who the Lord had worked through to reach out  and touch my life. But the one who stands out the most is my husband Jim. I had for so many years prayed to God to send me that certain one who would love me like no other and I have no doubt in my mind that Jim is the perfect guy for me. Over the years we have had are shares of up’s and down’s but through life’s trials we have learned how to appreciate each other’s strengths and forgive each other’s weak spots. Learning about how God loves me has made me more aware of how much me husband love’s me and how much I see the Lord reside in my husband. I have always said to Jim that if we did not have the Lord there is no way our marriage would   have survived the things we have been through. Never was I so aware of this fact when I stumbled across an old journal I had in college. I had just broken up with a guy and I was heart-broken. Determined to never have that happen again I made a list of attributes I would look for in my perfect guy and I also gave a physical description of what he would look like and where we would live. Much time had passed and I had long forgotten that list by the time I had met Jim but the Lord had not forgotten that list and knowing how to give good gifts to his children he brought me Jim. When years later I stumbled upon that old journal and read the physical description of my perfect man it was as if I was looking straight at Jim and saying out loud he is tall with dark hair and a moustache, we live on a farm with  horses etc. (the only thing that did not match the list is we do not have a pond or a boat)  All his character traits like being honest , patient and a good sense of humor were one the list. When I wrote the list I remember being patient was very high up on the list because I am always forgetting my keys, my purse, where I parked the car etc. and it always drove my boyfriend at the time and some of my friends crazy. I remember being a little bit amazed when I read that journal  because that is one of the traits I admire most in my husband is his ability to be so patient with me and others. He never gets mad when he has to go back to the restaurant or church or friends houses because I have forgotten my purse, my keys and so on. I have no doubt that Jim was hand-picked by God to be my perfect match. To quote a famous movie ” He completes me”. but only because the good Lord designed him for me. I am so glad that the Lord made me wait for Mr. Right and not for Mr. right now. The Lord has reached out to me through my husband so many times and his touch on our lives has revived me through some of the toughest times I have ever faced.  When I put my trust in the Lord and ask him to reveal himself to me it is truly amazing when he shows me how much he was involved is my life right from the very beginning. It is a reflection of just how much he knows about me and how much he loves me, I have no doubt that the Lord’s word is truth and the things he ordains will stand as an everlasting testimony of his love and righteousness because he shows me how those words play out in my own life

The Hope I Have In You

Romans 12:12-rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer.

1 Thessalonians:5:8-But let us who are of the day be sober, putting on the breastplate of faith and love, and as a helmet the hope of salvation.

Hebrews:6:18-19 that by two immutable things in which it is impossible for
God to lie, we might have strong consolation, who have fled for refuge to lay hold of the hope set before us.19 This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and steadfast and which enters the Presence behind the veil

Who walks the wee hours of the morning with me when sleep is nothing but a fleeting illusion

Ready to bring in a new dawn where His mercies are made new and forgiveness is a forgone conclusion

Jesus your strength enables me to handle the pain for Your arms hold me up

And You breathe life into me as I sip from your cup

Not a servant but a friend I am to You, for you whisper my name

Saying I am your precious child and things will never be the same

It is Your hand that guides me onto the right path when I can’t find my way

It is Your love for me, that made you lay down your life for mine, a price a could not pay

Your promise, never to leave me or forsake me, echo’s forever in my mind

Your presence behind the veil, a refuge of protection, that continues for all time

Jesus You are faithful even when things seem to go all wrong and I feel misunderstood

Your always working on behalf of me to make all things workout  for my good

Jesus You are that miracle worker that takes away my sin and gives me new life

You make me lay down in peace that I don’t deserve and hear my prayers on high

No matter what happens in this life I know the hope I have in You

The promise of everlasting life in heaven and unbroken fellowship so true.

A Heart Under Siege

Psalm 31:21

“Praise be to the Lord

For He showed me the wonders of his love

When I was in a city under siege.”

A Heart Under Siege

When I had no one You were there

When no one believed in me You always cared

When I was crippled You carried me

When I was blind You helped me see

Jesus, You set the captive free

Free from self loathing, free from regret

Free to be me without worry or frets

Always forgiving You showed the way

You broke up the boulders of shame and remorse day after day

Binding up wounds with Your love and Your grace

Finding strength in Your promises while seeking your face

Teaching me how to be only me

And not what others think I should be

For you have told me I am the work of your hands

It doesn’t matter if others don’t understand

The path that you want me to walk as you lead

All the while rescuing a heart under siege

The Gift of Love

Psalm 42:1-2

1 As the deer pants for the water brooks,
So my soul pants for You, O God.
2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God;
When shall I come and appear before God?

Psalm 34:5

5 They looked to Him and were radiant,
And their faces will never be ashamed.

Philippians 2:15
15 so that you will prove yourselves to be blameless and innocent, children of God above reproach in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you appear as lights in the world,

The Gift of Love

Here I am and You called to me on my sick-bed

Knowing that I could hardly take a breath full of anxiety and dread

Six times to the hospital and my lungs are still not fixed

A second virus shingles squeezes in and gives my body another kick

But in the midst of all of this there was so much pain upon my soul

For being the one to hold our family back and now no drug coverage, has dug a financial hole

It’s been three weeks and I still don’t know, when I can return to work

Sitting here feeling so useless, I felt like a failure and a jerk

But than You Lord called to me and talked me through my daily devotions

And I was so surprised to hear from You in the midst of all this emotional commotion

Now that I had the time You talked with me and explained how much You miss me

And how there could be joy in the midst of trials if I would bring those fears to Thee

You were tender when You pointed out were I had gotten way off track

How I let bitterness and anger misconstrue some crucial facts

I was seeing You as an angry father , a taskmaster I could not please

It seemed so impossible to be that perfect Christian, I tried so hard to be

So full of pride at my failing I avoided spending time with You

At one point I had started to think, this Christian walk was something I couldn’t do

As soon as I thought of  that my heart was full of shame

And You said my precious child I love you just the same

For all fall short everyone that is why you need me

To help guide you and protect you and give you the strength to see

Not with eyes that reflect this world but with spiritual eyes that see things differently

First you have to take on faith that My love for you will never end

That no matter how you sin I will be here to restore you and pick you up again

You are my little lamb that is walking by my side

But suddenly your chasing butterflies and you have wonder out just like the tide

I will always call you back, but little lamb you have to listen for my voice

And if your late on hearing it than you have to make a choice

To believe in me and understand I am a Lord of Love

And come running back no matter where you’ve been, with your eyes focused on Me above

I will always love you unconditionally in a way that you can never understand

That’s why my death at Calvary was done freely, to save every man

Not because man could ever do, something that was worthy of my gift You know

It was because I love them all regardless if they choose to acknowledge Me or if their friends or foes

I know you have walked through lots of trials and I am so happy you endured

But my little Lamb I need you to pay attention to my word

Try to do the best you can to follow where I lead with a heart that’s full of thanks and praise

And regardless of your circumstance I will fill your heart with joy and give you peace for the moment, even on the hardest days

Now for the first time ever, I know how much I’m loved by Jesus, the Awesome God of Love

And that feeling pushes out the anger and the bitterness and ushers in forgiveness that was undreamed of

Although I still am very week and my Lungs have  a ways to go, it so nice to know

That everyday You meet me here, You fill my heart with joy that over rides the pain I feel, because I finally know how much you love me so.

Your Faith Will Be Your Song

Ephesians 6:16

“above all, taking the shield of faith with which
you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of
the wicked one.”

1 John 1:5-7

This is the message which we have heard
from Him and declare to you, that God is light
and in Him is no darkness at all
6 If we say we have fellowship with Him,
and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice
the truth
7 But if walk in the light as He is in the light
we have fellowship with one another, and the
blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin

Isaiah 12:2

“Behold God is my salvation
I will trust and not be afraid
For Yah the Lord, is my strength
and song;
He has also become my salvation.

Your Faith Will be Your Song

Although I am under rainy skies and I can hear the thunder loudly  bellow

The Lord says hush my child trust and not be afraid, of things that linger in the shadows

For while you walk in the light with Me, you are safe and sound

It’s when you wander far from Me, that trouble soon abounds

Your best defense of defeating fear, is to bring it to My feet

Than with my word you will speak to it and chase away defeat

Why do you worry so about the things that kill the body

For tonight could claim your very soul, tell me  what would you embody

Would you be going to paradise full of My Glory and My Grace

Or would you be an empty shell that is not called to a better place

You see the safest place for you, is to stay close to Me

Learn My ways and obey My commands and than you will be free

And if the devil should attack your shield of faith you should find it strong

Because of all you learned from Me your faith will be your song

Faith for Me

Acts 17:27-28
“27 that they would seek God, if perhaps they might grope for Him and find Him, though he is not far from each one of us;28 for in Him we live and move and exist, as even some of your own poets have said, for we also are His children.”

Hebrews 11:1
“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for,
The conviction of things not seen.”

Faith for Me

Faith for me is believing that You won’t leave me in the condition You found me in
Faith for me is believing that You do exist and You cover all my sins
Faith for me is knowing Your there even if I can’t see You
Faith for me is when You cause something to happen that verifies Your listening before I ask You too
Faith for me is when You answer prayer in a way I know it must be You
Faith for me is learning about Your promises and watching them come true
Faith for me is the blessings that You give, for things I really don’t deserve
Faith for me is seeing miracles happen for God’s people who I serve
Faith for me is looking for Your light when evil comes to call
Faith for me is hearing no and learning to take a fall
Faith for me is sharing all I think and feel with You
Faith for me is knowing that You feel the same way too
Faith for me is searching to know Your character, the essence of who You are
Faith for me is knowing that You searched for me, my Awesome God the one who made the stars
Faith for me is to know that Your perfecting me, to be the person of Your heart
Faith for me is knowing that I am accepted as You daughter unconditionally and we’ll never part

The Old Man

Songs of Solomon 2:8-10
“The voice of my beloved!
Behold he comes
Leaping upon the mountains,
skipping upon the hills.
My beloved is like a gazelle or a young stag.
Behold he stands behind our wall;
He is looking through our windows,
Gazing through the lattice.
My beloved spoke and said to me;
Rise up, my love, my love my fair one
And come away.”

More than anything in the world the Lord wants to have an intimate relationship with us. In order to cultivate this we as believers must find quiet time alone to be with the Lord. This is where we should pray and talk to him about our concerns and joys. Just like the stag that is looking through the windows are walls are always before the Lord and he is waiting for us to share our pain, our joy, our tears and our laughter so he can guide us, comfort us, and protect us. All we have  to do is make the time.

The Old Man

Thank you Lord for Your piercing eye

that can spot trouble on the fly

You swoop right down to warn me, but tonight I passed you by

You can see that I was busy,  I stayed way past five

I need that promotion to pay all my earthly bills

And You were probably busy, healing lots of other people’s ills

Lord You have given me a great start, You saved my very life

But I can’t meet with You tomorrow, we have to meet the bosses wife

I  really want to learn about You and all that you hold dear

But the kids  come this Saturday, but I’ll make time for You don’t fear

We were looking forward to the Sunday service but will have to take a pass

The family’s been invited to the cottage, these invitations happen so darn fast

Today is another day and Susie has the flu

I just don’t feel like sitting down with all I have to do

I was out getting groceries when I came across this old man

Who face was worn and his clothes were old and he said he knew my greatest fan

What do you mean by that, you don’ t know me from Adam

He said I know the Lord, your greatest friend, why don’t you have at him

Sir I said,  whatever do you mean, the Lord is very busy why would he miss me

He said because you are his child and he is so in love with thee

And every time you pass him by he is distraught from your rebuff

I said in my defense, I been busy making a better life, times they’ve been so tough

The man said who do you think blessed your work, your home, and your lovely wife

In fact he saved your soul from hell, by giving up His very life

He will never ever tell you about the  pain you put him  through

But if you just let him in, he’ll reveal to you, all that he has for you

For times are getting harder and the world is getting cruel

And all the money in the world won’t save you, once evil pays it dues.

So while the sun is shinning and the Lord still calls on you

Please make time and learn who He is and what He wants to do

And maybe one day you’ll be here, trying to win one for the Lord

Convinced of all the good He does and all the peace He has in store

For all those Sick, lost and hurting people, He loves with all his heart

Maybe it will be your turn, to help others make a brand new start

To have their sin forgotten and to have their soul so loved

That years of emptiness and cruelties are healed from Jesus up above

You could be apart of this, if you’d only take the time

The ball is in your corner, the Lord is waiting on your dime

I must admit, I took the slow way home and thought of that old man

How did he know, I would be there, how did he know my plans

Well it really didn’t matter, because his words hit home today

Suddenly I was so aware of what I had to lose and so grateful to that brave old man and all that he had to say

I kissed my wife when I got home and brought her up some dinner

Than I turned off my phone, my computer and fell upon my knee’s and confessed I was sinner

With tear-stained cheeks I called to the Lord and said that I was sorry

Than I thanked him for that old man and his heart-felt story

Lord just because I know Your name doesn’t mean I know You

But if you give me another shot, I hope you will be true

And teach me all I need to know, so I can be like that old man

I know I can make it, if You’ll hold my hand

And show me how, I can win one for Your Glory

So another hurting human soul, can begin a brand new story.

A Song of Praise

Psalm 40:2-3

“He has also brought me out of a horrible pit,
Out of a miry clay,
And set my feet upon a rock,
And established my steps.
He has put a new song in my mouth-
Praise to our God;
Many will see it and fear,
And will trust in the Lord.”

Psalm 42:5
“Why are you cast down O my soul?
And why are you disquieted within me?
Hope in God, for I shall yet praise him
For the help of his countenance.”

Psalm 147:11
“The Lord takes pleasure in those who fear him,
In those who hope in his mercy.”

A Song of Praise

The winds that whip across her brow’ do not soothe but burn

Tossing back and forth she tries to suck air violently, treading
water pleading for the Lord to return

The storm descends, darkness envelops her, in the midst of so
many trials

She is slowly sinking by the mile her face a masks of smiles

Disobedience, Pride, trying to do it all on her own, recipes for disaster

In between screaming gales a promise is whispered by her master

Look up my child and trust in my mercy and my love

Take my hand and feel yourself float toward the light above

Focus on me and I will block the wind and set your feet back
on solid ground

Slowly she looks up from the dark expanse and see’s a glimmer of hope that could send her glory bound

Believe, Hope and Trust in my Goodness and praise my Holy name

For I am help in present danger and I alone can bring the healing rain

I am always with you and will never cease to show you mercy, in the coming days

I give Forgiveness for your repentance, and obedience to my ways,
will lead to a heart that overflows in gratitude and on your lips sincere felt praise

These are the things that touch my heart, so child take my hand

And I will take you for my kingdom and set your feet upon dry land

Despite all that she’s defiled and all her sin, she took his words to heart

And he washed her white as snow and set her feet upon the rock , tenderly he steadied her for a brand new start

And now as she walks in this world, her step is so much lighter and you can plainly hear

The songs of praise she sings out loud, so lovely and so clear

Living and Loving in the Land of My Lord

Deuteronomy 30:20
by loving the Lord your God, by obeying His voice, and by holding fast to Him; for [a]this is your life and the length of your days, [b]that you may live in the land which the Lord swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, to give them.”

I try to show my love for You Jesus, though I know most times I fail
But You are always there for me, to put the wind back in my sails
When worry threatens and fear takes hold You speak softly to my soul
And remind me that Your holding me and You’ll never let me go
So even when times are tough, the trials  long and my body aches with pain
I still believe in You and my love for You remains
I could take another road, but it would mean, I would be leaving You behind
I would rather keep trying to obey your word, so its power can transform my mind
I thank You for your patience when I argue, or I am afraid to do Your will
But I know you grace abounds and covers me till I finally climb that hill
Since meeting You life has never been dull, though it looks crazy to outsiders looking in
But there are pleasant days to sing Your praise while Your peace is ushered in
I try to surrender all I have to You, but those steps I’m still learning
I desperately want to be used by You and I pray You give me, a mind that is discerning
Empty me of my desires and fill me up with Yours, so I can be your hands
So I can introduce You to others ,who have not known You, and all that You have planned
It’s my hope that one day my life would honour You and allow others to see Your glory
And when my life is over, there will be this wonderful tapestry of my story
Woven in the hearts of others, that were touch by You, through me

Of how Your love light led me to others, to kindle sparks of gospel glee
Or maybe just to plant a seed while I was visiting for tea
And when my lengths of days are over and I hear the trumpet call it will be my turn to depart
I pray that all that knew me would say she surely loved the Lord with all her heart

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