To Stand

I feel you reaching out for me calling me to come

To stand despite my brokeness and failure that leaves me numb

There are no illusions left for me,  I was sure I could never live this Christian life

But patiently you wait for me , to whisper my helplessness, to ever win the fight

So you can fill me with your spirit and guide my steps into the light

Knowing I no longer walk alone, because you live inside my heart

The sooner I submit myself to you, my fear and stress will soon depart

And your peace will be a salve upon my wounds and your truth my path to seek

Showing me  how you can raise me up, in times I feel so weak

And if I ever learn to live my life this way, I know I will never be alone

For you will thrive in my conquered heart and at last I will be home .

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Today

Today Lord I don’t feel like a Christian as anger wells in my heart

I feel overwhelmed by the trials that befall me and I feel ripped apart

I want to hide from the world and just catch my breath

But fear and worry pursue me, will it be this way until  death

I Lie in the darkness alone with my pain

I cry out Your name Lord for mercy, I give You free reign

To sift and to mold me but please give me Your peace

From past choices that haunt me, please put my mind now at ease

For I need this reprieve

Help me to step out in faith and make a new start

To throw off the old man and put joy in my heart

Please give me eyes that see, what you see

And a mind that discerns, what Your will should be, played out by me

To shape a life that reflects all that you teach

That speaks to the lost and the lonely that seem out of reach

For it is not my life, but Your life, I was saved by your grace

And your love  is the fuel that keeps me running this race

The Gift of Love

Psalm 42:1-2

1 As the deer pants for the water brooks,
So my soul pants for You, O God.
2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God;
When shall I come and appear before God?

Psalm 34:5

5 They looked to Him and were radiant,
And their faces will never be ashamed.

Philippians 2:15
15 so that you will prove yourselves to be blameless and innocent, children of God above reproach in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you appear as lights in the world,

The Gift of Love

Here I am and You called to me on my sick-bed

Knowing that I could hardly take a breath full of anxiety and dread

Six times to the hospital and my lungs are still not fixed

A second virus shingles squeezes in and gives my body another kick

But in the midst of all of this there was so much pain upon my soul

For being the one to hold our family back and now no drug coverage, has dug a financial hole

It’s been three weeks and I still don’t know, when I can return to work

Sitting here feeling so useless, I felt like a failure and a jerk

But than You Lord called to me and talked me through my daily devotions

And I was so surprised to hear from You in the midst of all this emotional commotion

Now that I had the time You talked with me and explained how much You miss me

And how there could be joy in the midst of trials if I would bring those fears to Thee

You were tender when You pointed out were I had gotten way off track

How I let bitterness and anger misconstrue some crucial facts

I was seeing You as an angry father , a taskmaster I could not please

It seemed so impossible to be that perfect Christian, I tried so hard to be

So full of pride at my failing I avoided spending time with You

At one point I had started to think, this Christian walk was something I couldn’t do

As soon as I thought of  that my heart was full of shame

And You said my precious child I love you just the same

For all fall short everyone that is why you need me

To help guide you and protect you and give you the strength to see

Not with eyes that reflect this world but with spiritual eyes that see things differently

First you have to take on faith that My love for you will never end

That no matter how you sin I will be here to restore you and pick you up again

You are my little lamb that is walking by my side

But suddenly your chasing butterflies and you have wonder out just like the tide

I will always call you back, but little lamb you have to listen for my voice

And if your late on hearing it than you have to make a choice

To believe in me and understand I am a Lord of Love

And come running back no matter where you’ve been, with your eyes focused on Me above

I will always love you unconditionally in a way that you can never understand

That’s why my death at Calvary was done freely, to save every man

Not because man could ever do, something that was worthy of my gift You know

It was because I love them all regardless if they choose to acknowledge Me or if their friends or foes

I know you have walked through lots of trials and I am so happy you endured

But my little Lamb I need you to pay attention to my word

Try to do the best you can to follow where I lead with a heart that’s full of thanks and praise

And regardless of your circumstance I will fill your heart with joy and give you peace for the moment, even on the hardest days

Now for the first time ever, I know how much I’m loved by Jesus, the Awesome God of Love

And that feeling pushes out the anger and the bitterness and ushers in forgiveness that was undreamed of

Although I still am very week and my Lungs have  a ways to go, it so nice to know

That everyday You meet me here, You fill my heart with joy that over rides the pain I feel, because I finally know how much you love me so.

A Song of Praise

Psalm 40:2-3

“He has also brought me out of a horrible pit,
Out of a miry clay,
And set my feet upon a rock,
And established my steps.
He has put a new song in my mouth-
Praise to our God;
Many will see it and fear,
And will trust in the Lord.”

Psalm 42:5
“Why are you cast down O my soul?
And why are you disquieted within me?
Hope in God, for I shall yet praise him
For the help of his countenance.”

Psalm 147:11
“The Lord takes pleasure in those who fear him,
In those who hope in his mercy.”

A Song of Praise

The winds that whip across her brow’ do not soothe but burn

Tossing back and forth she tries to suck air violently, treading
water pleading for the Lord to return

The storm descends, darkness envelops her, in the midst of so
many trials

She is slowly sinking by the mile her face a masks of smiles

Disobedience, Pride, trying to do it all on her own, recipes for disaster

In between screaming gales a promise is whispered by her master

Look up my child and trust in my mercy and my love

Take my hand and feel yourself float toward the light above

Focus on me and I will block the wind and set your feet back
on solid ground

Slowly she looks up from the dark expanse and see’s a glimmer of hope that could send her glory bound

Believe, Hope and Trust in my Goodness and praise my Holy name

For I am help in present danger and I alone can bring the healing rain

I am always with you and will never cease to show you mercy, in the coming days

I give Forgiveness for your repentance, and obedience to my ways,
will lead to a heart that overflows in gratitude and on your lips sincere felt praise

These are the things that touch my heart, so child take my hand

And I will take you for my kingdom and set your feet upon dry land

Despite all that she’s defiled and all her sin, she took his words to heart

And he washed her white as snow and set her feet upon the rock , tenderly he steadied her for a brand new start

And now as she walks in this world, her step is so much lighter and you can plainly hear

The songs of praise she sings out loud, so lovely and so clear

Failure is an Event not a Life Sentence

Psalm 34:5

They looked to Him and were radiant,
And their faces will never be ashamed

Ephesians 2:7-8

so that in the ages to come He might show the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith; and [a]that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God;

Jesus knew we could never live our life’s as the perfect image of his Son that’s why we were saved by grace through our faith in Jesus Christ. We as Christians are in Jesus eyes exempt from that label of failure. When we try and fall short and we confess it to Him we are immediately forgiven and He instantly restores us to Himself and wraps us in His unconditional love.

It is only in the flesh that we give others the power to hold past failures over us and if this is done be someone we hold in high esteem that one failed event can become a life sentence. Where sorrow, self contempt, and self loathing eventually can derail a person into a life sentence of regret, remorse bitterness and sometimes total destruction.

When we really start to read and understand the scriptures that tell us about the Lord’s character we really start to understand how much the Lord loves us. We can drop our guard and when we turn our faces up to him we can be radiant with joy because we know that we finally have a father that will never leave us or forsake us or be ashamed of us.

Ever since she lost her business

Her life never was the same

Someone accused her of fraud

And she had to fight to save her name

Friends and Family don’t stand by her

I guess they  were  ashamed

It didn’t even occur to them she

might not be the one to blame

Even though she went to court

and cleared her name things were not the same

The never said that they were sorry

that they misjudged her so

and misery filled her heart

and her self loathing would not go

Financial problems started it was

hard to hold a job

panic attacks soon followed

and her self-confidence was gone

Constant illness followed and

for a long time she just wished that she would die

Nobody ever really knew how close she came

to following through with suicide

For it was on that very night when

she planned to take her life

Jesus Christ was waiting to end her

pain and strive

He talked to her very soul

and filled her heart with his sweet peace

He told her that he would be there

for her and his love would never cease

It would be many years later

after seeking high and low

that she would start to really

understand him and how he loves her so

But now when something happens and

things they don’ t work out the way she planned

she knows the failure is  but a moment and she

can place it in Jesus hands

Knowing that she is forgiven forever

She can finally forgive herself this day

She has already forgiven the others

who helped to make her feel this way

From now on it doesn’t matter

what other people think or say

the only person she seeks to please

Is Jesus Christ this day

Pain management

Pray continuously                                                                                                                                                   sk for  everything than believe
I ntercession is what Jesus does on our behalf  let Him bridge your pain
N othing is impossible with God trust Him

M ake room for healing learn to forgive
A lways remember Jesus loves you
N ever forget that somewhere people are fighting bigger battles
A ppreciate the small victories and celebrate them
G ods beauty is everywhere look for it in everything and everybody
E very tear that’s shed is seen by God talk to him even if your angry
M ake the effort to help someone else that’s hurting
E veryday should be celebrated, find something to be positive about
N ever give up God will give you strength and joy for each day
T ell someone about Jesus so they too can be embraced by a loving savior

Living and Loving in the Land of My Lord

Deuteronomy 30:20
by loving the Lord your God, by obeying His voice, and by holding fast to Him; for [a]this is your life and the length of your days, [b]that you may live in the land which the Lord swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, to give them.”

I try to show my love for You Jesus, though I know most times I fail
But You are always there for me, to put the wind back in my sails
When worry threatens and fear takes hold You speak softly to my soul
And remind me that Your holding me and You’ll never let me go
So even when times are tough, the trials  long and my body aches with pain
I still believe in You and my love for You remains
I could take another road, but it would mean, I would be leaving You behind
I would rather keep trying to obey your word, so its power can transform my mind
I thank You for your patience when I argue, or I am afraid to do Your will
But I know you grace abounds and covers me till I finally climb that hill
Since meeting You life has never been dull, though it looks crazy to outsiders looking in
But there are pleasant days to sing Your praise while Your peace is ushered in
I try to surrender all I have to You, but those steps I’m still learning
I desperately want to be used by You and I pray You give me, a mind that is discerning
Empty me of my desires and fill me up with Yours, so I can be your hands
So I can introduce You to others ,who have not known You, and all that You have planned
It’s my hope that one day my life would honour You and allow others to see Your glory
And when my life is over, there will be this wonderful tapestry of my story
Woven in the hearts of others, that were touch by You, through me

Of how Your love light led me to others, to kindle sparks of gospel glee
Or maybe just to plant a seed while I was visiting for tea
And when my lengths of days are over and I hear the trumpet call it will be my turn to depart
I pray that all that knew me would say she surely loved the Lord with all her heart

Trials

I wrote this while I am sick in bed with a cold that went straight to my chest. I have to stay in my room because I have asthma and a cold like this makes me allergic to all the dogs and other animals we have as well as the weather outside. Normally my system has built up a tolerance for our hairy brood but the infection has made my lungs super sensitive to them and the humidity in the air. The air conditioner located in my room, set to a cool 68 degrees and a battery of drugs makes it much easier for me to breath until I can fight off this cold. So the way I see it is. I could feel sorry for myself and cry which just makes me even more stuffed up or I could focus on the Lord instead. I chose the latter.

Psalm 100 vs 4
Enter His gates with thanksgiving
And His courts with praise.
Give thanks to Him, bless His name

Trials

When I was hurting Jesus, you were there for me
You were the friend, I could never be
On the occasion I lied
You were the court, in which I could never be tried
For on You was pinned, all of my sins
Where I end You begin
On the nights, that were the blackest black
You were the light that led me back
Before You I never really knew, the meaning of joy
That’s not dependent on people,money,success or toys
In the past people branded me disabled, defunct
You gave me courage to throw out those labels as junk
Your spirit empowered me to live, laugh and love
while You guide my journey from the heavens above
Difficulties sometimes, are the tools that You use for my gain
You lead me through the fire, forever changed
Rebuilt by Your love, I am the picture of Your grace
I deserved death but instead You embrace
All that I was, all that I am and all that I will be
So I can lead others to You, for a chance to be free
From all of their sorrow, guilt, grief, and pain
To believe in the Lord while the time still remains

Reader Update : Thank you for your prayers

092

Psalm 29:2

Ascribe to the Lord the glory due

His name; worship the Lord in the

splendor of His holiness

I am pleased to report that my husband has a new job !!!!!!!! I want to thank all the readers who prayed for us and tell you how the Lord worked in our lives during the last 5 months. My husband was let go the 2nd week in Dec and it came as a shock. Winter always brings large bills due for Hay, Wood, Hydro and feed and it is the worst time to be unemployed. I have had some health problems that have forced me to down size my work load and I work part time twice a week . It helps but it certainly won’t pay the bills. My husband was offered a small severance pay after working for the company for ten years and we were forced to sign off on it because we could not afford to fight it in court. Employment Lawerys in our city start at $300.00 per hour and I needed the money to pay the bills. Our bank account was already drained because we had to put on a new roof, drill a new well, and replace the septic system. To say the least we were tapped out. To make matters worse there had been a lot of drought like conditions in the United States so farmers were sending trucks up to Ontario, Canada to buy hay. This drove hay prices thru the roof ! In the past we had bought our hay from a local Cash Cropper and once again again just like last year we called to make arrangement to pickup our hay. The Cash Cropper called us and assured us that he would still supply us for hay. On the morning we were supposed to pick it up he phoned my husband and told him not to come over he had sold all the hay.    By this time round bales of hay that were usually $30.00 a bale were now $100.00 a bale and small square bales $3.oo a bale were $7.00 a bale and most people were all sold out of squares in a matter of days.   We went to God in prayer and asked others to pray for us because if we could not get Hay the horses and goats would have to go. I was beside myself with fear and I remember crying out to the Lord and saying Lord I have two options the first being to trust you to provide when we had no money or try to find a rescue to take the horses, the goats, the donkey, the cats and the dogs or put them down if no rescue was available. Everytime I thought of this I would cry and feel sick to my stomach. I told the Lord that I believed that I was safest in his hands and whatever he decided to let happen in my life I would do my best to trust and accept. I did mention I would be a total mess at first but if the worst happened it would not change the way I felt about him and God. The day after that prayer my husband went to our local feed store and told the manager what happen in regards to our hay situation he gave Jim the name of a farmer in Beaverton who might have some hay. When we went out to meet this farmer we did not realize what a blessing he was about to become, but God knew. This farmer decided to give us some hay at the regular price even though he knew he could make 3 times the money selling it to some one else. He said he did not feel good about taking advantage of neighbour’s and friends when times were hard. So as time went by and my husband could not find a job and money was getting tighter this wonderful farmer said not to worry about the money he would keep us stocked in hay and we could pay him at a later date when Jim was working. We were truly amazed that he would lend a total stranger $1000.00 in hay with nothing but our word as collateral but he did. Since we did not have to pay so much out for Hay we could now use that money for animal feed. Now that next hurdle to climb was heat. We heat entirely by wood so we need quite a bit of it to split and stack to get through the winter. We needed at least four bush cords maybe more and once again we did not have the money but the Lord stepped in and thanks to a wicked fall storm that knocked down a few large tree`s  on my neighbours property we had some wood to start. We also collected quite a bit of dead fall wood in our bush that surrounded our property. My sister`s husband was also sending us hardwood pallets that he got at work . We would chop them up and they make great kindling. My neighbour also sent over a bunch of old wooden fence poles because they were re -fencing their property so we cut up these as well. Jim spent most of his time at home splitting and chopping wood with an ax but the real problem came when the mild winter weather gave way to freezing rain. All the wood that was left to split was soaked and it was hard to dry out. In March we realized we did not have enough wood to get through the winter (piles of wood  stacked on the ground always looks like more than there is once they are cut.) once again we hit our knees and prayed. My husband than called the person we usually deal with for wood and explained that he was out of work and out of money and that we were short on wood and he sent over 2 bush cords and told my husband just pay me when you can. It`s really amazing when you pray when your in desperate circumstances how the Lord goes before you and open`s the doors that you need to walk through to get that need met. But the Lord was not finished with us yet we had payed the mortgage for Dec, Jan, and Feb but our phone, cable, internet and Hydro bills were piling up and we had used all our money up on feed and paying the mortgage, once again we prayed and I bought a lottery ticket and we had won just enough to pay the outstanding bills. We had made it through most of the winter but my husband still could not find work. When we started praying about my husband`s work situation we asked the Lord to close every door on all but the one place where the Lord wanted him to work. By April we were wondering if it was a mistake to pray that prayer but we were already commited to waiting on the Lord for the right job. Finally after many job interviews he was hired by a great company that offered a great territory to sell in. The only hitch was my husband`s severance pay ended March 30th and the new job did not start till May 1st. And even when he was hired in May because he is a commission salesman we would have to wait until the end of May to get paid. How would we make it till than. I remember bursting into tears when he told me. It was not that I wasn`t thankful for the job but I was sure God must be tired of helping us by now and I had know idea how the Lord was going to get us through sixty more days with just my part time job for money. My husband did have 25,000.00 locked up in a retirement savings plan with his old job but in order for us to access the money we would have to qualify for a hardship discharge and we were told that it would take at least 6 to 8 weeks for a cheque to be sent if all the requirements were met. Jim and I decided to apply for a hardship hearing knowing full well that we did not have the money to last another 6 to 8 weeks. Acting in faith that the Lord would once again go before us to open up doors we were stunned when our application was approved in 24 hours and they told us we would have the money in the next seven to ten days. When the funds arrived on the tenth day we had just spent the last of our money on feed and groceries.  Our bank account statement reflected that we were down to 62 cents in the bank, talk about just in time but the Lord`s timing as always was perfect. Now I would never want to go through that kind of trial again but it has really shown me how faithful the Lord is to provide a way for his children when they turn to him in prayer! I also firmly believe that the prayers that were sent out to the Lord from all the people that were praying for us were answered as well. Thank you so much for your prayers and support  and the animals thank you as well! God Bless!

In You I have Life

Psalm 141:8
But my eyes are upon You O God the Lord :In
You I take refuge; Do not leave my soul destitute

Psalm 16:11
You reveal the path of life to me;
In Your presence is abundant joy;
In Your right hand are abundant pleasures

In You I have life.
You are the Hope of the world, an end to strife
Where I end You begin
Causing good to triumph over sin
Your eyes see beyond the veil
Causing my steps to stay upon the path, even death pales
Because You have plucked me from the mire and purified my soul
Trials that You have allowed refine me in the fire and I am as pure gold
Even in death You are there, seated at the father`s right hand
Ready to welcome me to a place where pain, tears, sickness, evil, sadness are stripped from the Land
Here I will be received by You, bathed in Your light, I am Yours alone
I will go out in joy, to be received by my family, finally home

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