To Stand

I feel you reaching out for me calling me to come

To stand despite my brokeness and failure that leaves me numb

There are no illusions left for me,  I was sure I could never live this Christian life

But patiently you wait for me , to whisper my helplessness, to ever win the fight

So you can fill me with your spirit and guide my steps into the light

Knowing I no longer walk alone, because you live inside my heart

The sooner I submit myself to you, my fear and stress will soon depart

And your peace will be a salve upon my wounds and your truth my path to seek

Showing me  how you can raise me up, in times I feel so weak

And if I ever learn to live my life this way, I know I will never be alone

For you will thrive in my conquered heart and at last I will be home .

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If Not For….

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Psalm 63:2 So I have looked for you in the sanctuary to see Your Power and Glory

Isaiah 41:10 Fear not for I am with you, Be not dismayed for I am your God

I will strengthen you, yes I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand

James 1:2 My brethren count it all joy when you fall into various trials

If Not For….

If not for painful trials I endure, how would I know of Your great faithfulness

If not for all my failures, how could I know the depth of Your forgiveness

If not for Your death on a cross for me, how could I begin to understand Your mercy

towards my sinfulness

If not for your protective sanctuary, how could I ever begin to see Your glory

If not for my hard times, that you worked for my good, how could I ever tell your story

Of  a tender God who carried me, when my human strength  was spent

If not for a loving God, how could I bend my knees and tell You the things that I repent

If not for all the unpleasantness of life, how could I learn to trust You day by day

If not for the tender grace that You give to me, could I try to submit to You in all my ways

If not for all the many blessings You bestow to me, even though there is nothing I

 could ever do to deserve it

If not for Your very Presence, which brings me untold joy, how would I ever be free from evil’s darkest pit

Revive me, O’Lord

Revive me, O’Lord according to

Your loving kindness , The sum

of Your word is truth, and every

one of Your righteous ordinances

is everlasting.

Psalm 119:159-160

Many things have changed since the last entry I posted. I have given up all but one client and have taken on a full-time job to help my husband Jim keep up with the bills that seem to be never-ending on the farm. I work at a call centre and the hours are grueling and getting use to shift work has been hard on me. That’s why it’s been such a long time since I have put pen to paper.

Since I talk for a living now, dealing with a tooth that has  absessed has been a little bit draining but it has given me some time off to rest and to write. When trials persist I turn to the Lord and  when I read this passage in scripture it reminded  me of God’s gifts and how he can work in the darkest of circumstance and pick me back up just when I thought I was down and out for good. “Revive me O’Lord according to Your loving kindness” that line made my mind’s eye recall all the people who the Lord had worked through to reach out  and touch my life. But the one who stands out the most is my husband Jim. I had for so many years prayed to God to send me that certain one who would love me like no other and I have no doubt in my mind that Jim is the perfect guy for me. Over the years we have had are shares of up’s and down’s but through life’s trials we have learned how to appreciate each other’s strengths and forgive each other’s weak spots. Learning about how God loves me has made me more aware of how much me husband love’s me and how much I see the Lord reside in my husband. I have always said to Jim that if we did not have the Lord there is no way our marriage would   have survived the things we have been through. Never was I so aware of this fact when I stumbled across an old journal I had in college. I had just broken up with a guy and I was heart-broken. Determined to never have that happen again I made a list of attributes I would look for in my perfect guy and I also gave a physical description of what he would look like and where we would live. Much time had passed and I had long forgotten that list by the time I had met Jim but the Lord had not forgotten that list and knowing how to give good gifts to his children he brought me Jim. When years later I stumbled upon that old journal and read the physical description of my perfect man it was as if I was looking straight at Jim and saying out loud he is tall with dark hair and a moustache, we live on a farm with  horses etc. (the only thing that did not match the list is we do not have a pond or a boat)  All his character traits like being honest , patient and a good sense of humor were one the list. When I wrote the list I remember being patient was very high up on the list because I am always forgetting my keys, my purse, where I parked the car etc. and it always drove my boyfriend at the time and some of my friends crazy. I remember being a little bit amazed when I read that journal  because that is one of the traits I admire most in my husband is his ability to be so patient with me and others. He never gets mad when he has to go back to the restaurant or church or friends houses because I have forgotten my purse, my keys and so on. I have no doubt that Jim was hand-picked by God to be my perfect match. To quote a famous movie ” He completes me”. but only because the good Lord designed him for me. I am so glad that the Lord made me wait for Mr. Right and not for Mr. right now. The Lord has reached out to me through my husband so many times and his touch on our lives has revived me through some of the toughest times I have ever faced.  When I put my trust in the Lord and ask him to reveal himself to me it is truly amazing when he shows me how much he was involved is my life right from the very beginning. It is a reflection of just how much he knows about me and how much he loves me, I have no doubt that the Lord’s word is truth and the things he ordains will stand as an everlasting testimony of his love and righteousness because he shows me how those words play out in my own life